Operation Purple

Did you know that there are FREE summer camps especially for kids with a deployed parent? Wow! What a great concept. It's called Operation Purple and is brought to us by those fine folks at the National Military Family Association. Check it out!

Happy Valentine's Day

To all of you spending the day away from your loved one...

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Exhale...

...He's home!

I'm starting to hear the fat lady whisper

We finally have a window! (in a sing-song voice) We have a window! We have a window!

The mil-spouses will know what I mean. I now have a period of a few days in which to expect Stretch home sometime within that time. And for you non-mil-spouses, yes, it really does help cut down on the uncertainty.

Even better, I was actually right (after some recent recalculating) about when the window will be. Hm-m, I might actually be getting the hang of this being married to a Marine business. It's only taken about 10 years.

Actually, I take that back. I haven't done anything to get ready for reunion yet. I don't even have anything to make a sign with yet. Are yellow ribbons and balloons too minimalistic? I might be able to pull that off. I'm not usually this unorganized. Really!

where's that fat lady?

Over at SpouseBuzz, Andi wrote about her misadventures in trying to pamper her husband and unleashing her inner domestic goddess. I can remember various reunions where I rehearsed our reunion, planned out menus and scrubbed the house. This time, not so much. I haven't planned for a single dish, let alone an entire meal for Stretch's return. In fact, I can't seem to really accept that he is coming home. It just doesn't seem real yet. We have only a matter of days and weeks left and I'm almost in denial about our reunion. Obviously, I want Stretch home. But I'm nervous, too. Other than his R&R, we've spent almost a year apart. We've both changed. The kids have changed.

Plus, I've been doing everything around here. While that sucked, it also meant that everything was done MY way. (hmm, I don't have any control issues or anything) It also meant if something didn't get done, I had no one else to blame. But soon, Stretch will be here. He'll do things his way. And I'll have to remember that it's okay. I'll have to learn to let go and to share again. Not just the little things like the remote, but the big things like parenting, too.

The thing is that reunion still seems so far off. (I know it's not.) It isn't "real" yet. They say it isn't over until the fat lady sings and, so far, I haven't heard her singing.

Ugly Dress Ball

I mentioned before that this past year was the first time since 1998 that I haven't attended a Marine Corps Birthday Ball. Well, I wasn't alone in not attending a Ball. One of our KVs came up with the idea of having an Ugly Gown Ball. We finally had it last weekend. It was a blast, not to mention a blast from the past! One of my friends wore her junior prom dress, complete with mismatched neon socks and jelly bracelets. Okay, the fact that she still had the dress (a pink, off the shoulder Jessica McLintock number) AND could still wear it... Well, it's just not right!

The woman in the gunny sack dress won for Ugliest Dress. You can't tell in the picture, but her tiara, ring and want all light up. This might have been a bit of a theme as another friend wore shoes that lit up. I wore sneakers with my dress because at most Balls, my feet are killing me by the end of the night. But I have to say, trying to do the twist in sneakers and on carpet is not an easy feat. And that pink thing in my hair is a skewer from sampling the chocolate fountain (YUM!).

One of the ladies brought champagne in a can (think the size of a small juice box). They had tiny straws attached to them (again, a la juice box). Between that and the outfits (more than one woman was sporting some electrifying blue eyeshadow, as well), we just couldn't get much classier!

We ate and danced and some even karaoke'ed. A few times I snuck peeks at the few men present (the Family Readiness SNCO, CO and DJ) and wondered if we were scaring them yet, especially when the roll of toilet paper started flying (one piece snagged on a ceiling fan and stayed there for the rest of the night). I'm sure Staff Sergeant was inwardly shaking his head and thinking, "Is this what happens when we go off for a year?"

And to that, I can only say, "Oh, honey, if you only knew..."

Kudos to all the ladies who planned and put the night together. It was a great way to round off this deployment. I'm so glad I was on the same roller coaster as these special ladies.

Looking back at 2007

I didn't want to do a post on resolutions. It seemed a bit hypocritical since I haven't made any resolutions in years. Mainly, because they tend to be a laundry list of wishful thinking rather than any real goals that I'll actually work toward. So, I thought, instead, I would write about what 2007 brought me. In some ways, I'd really like to just write off the year. Stretch was gone for the vast majority of the year, making it the year of putting my head down and putting one foot in front of the other, just trying to make it through moment by moment, day by day, week by week. I'm finally at the point of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and, no, it's not an on-coming train. The deployment is almost over!

But I digress. What did 2007 bring me? Mainly, it renewed my appreciation for my husband. I knew I loved him before, but maybe I didn't realize just how much. I missed Stretch with an intensity that almost surprised me. After 10 years together, I just assumed that I would miss him but that I would get on with the business of daily life. And I did. I didn't need Stretch to take out the trash or help get the girls in bed. I'm not gonna lie, another adult to share the load would have been beyond nice. It's just that those things weren't impossible or overwhelming to me.

Stretch's absence was the difficult thing. I never did get into a good sleep pattern. And he was always, ALWAYS, in my thoughts. Sometimes, he'd be in the background and not in the forefront of my mind but his presence was always there. So many times, each and every day, I found myself wanting to share something with him or thinking how much he'd enjoy something.

I checked my email so many times each day in case he'd found time to send me a line or two. And I found myself emailing him the dumbest stories just to be in contact with him. In an odd way, despite the miles and the ocean between us, the year brought us closer. He appreciates what I do for him and for our family. He knows how hard it can be. I'm so proud of him and what he does. After 10 years together, I can say, after the roughest year of all, that I am even more in love with him than ever.

"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal." ~Louis K. Anspacher

I'm not sure who wrote this, but it seems so appropriate today as we get ready to celebrate Christmas without Stretch this year:


I may not always be the one who kisses you goodnight
or sings you songs of carousels and stars shining bright.

But I do not love you any less
even when I can't be there
I need you to remember that
even when it seems unfair.

A military father loves not less
in fact he may love more
because your time's the greatest sacrifice
in the freedom he's fighting for.

Happy Christmas, everyone!

"I'm going fast!"

Okay, it's not really that fast, since I can walk and still keep up with her. But for her, it's super speedy. L'il Sis FINALLY discovered her bike and figured out that whole pedalling thing about 2 days ago. Since then, she's been all about riding her bike. Just another one of those things I wish Stretch were here to see.

***

Following in Stretch's footsteps, Big Sis has started this season of basketball. They had their first game last weekend. She' s fast and has really improved her ability to make baskets. She's not terribly aggressive about getting the ball, though, so she only got the ball once. But then she dribbled it all the way down the court before passing it to a teammate. Of course, being a terrible mom, I have no pictures. But I did remember to take stuff to keep L'il Sis entertained. Hey, I'm not Wonder Woman here! And again, this is an area where Stretch's presence would really be useful. I am zero help to the child in sports. That is his area. So much for that plan.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It's been so warm lately that, except for the leaves all over my yard, it doesn't really feel like that time of year yet. Plus, Stretch isn't with us this year. So, what to do? Several friends in my neighborhood decided to join forces. We're going to the Club this year. None of us has to cook and it is right around the corner from our neighborhood. We'll be four families with only one dad between us. The others are all deployed. So the kids will outnumber us. But we don't have to cook! And we're hoping the lone dad will entertain the kiddos to a certain degree. I would feel sorry for him, but I'm too tired this year.

Despite the trials of this past year, I am thankful for several things. I'm thankful that everyone in my family is healthy. I'm thankful for great friends and family that are helping to make this year bearable. I'm thankful to Marna Krajeski for including my essays in her upcoming anthology Household Baggage Handlers. And I'm thankful for our military family.

Wrong number. Sort of.

The cell phone rang and when I answered, I heard a male voice. But it wasn't my husband. He identified himself as LtCol Somebody and then said, "I'm trying to reach...(um)...Basil." Really? Okay, sure. So, I told him he'd reached a wrong number.

Other than being annoyed that I've been getting several wrong number calls on my cell phone lately, I didn't give it any more thought. Then my husband called later that day. Mid-way through our conversation, he suddenly asked if anyone called looking for "Basil." Well, that's a little weird. How did he know?

He's been traveling lately and had apparently been borrowing someone's cell phone to call me. (No, I didn't ask where he was where a cell phone would even work.) Anyway, the owner of the phone accidentally called me. Afterward, he saw my husband and said, "Hey, Stretch, I think I called your wife. The good news is Basil's not there."

Little things

Communication had been very sporadic the past week and I was missing the contact with my husband. Just when I was really getting lonely for him, he emailed me some pictures of him. It helped.

Paper chains or...Dr. Pepper?

Some families make paper chains as a way to count down the days until Daddy or Mommy returns. I noticed TripleE had a "donut of misery." (Now, if that won't put you off donuts, I don't know what will!) Leave it to Hubs to come up with his own caffienated version.

Hubs had been in the habit of returning from the chow hall with one or two cans of Dr. Pepper to see him through his shift. During his R&R, his coworkers continued the tradition and filled his office space with Dr. Peppers. He said they covered his desk and a lot of other surfaces. Well, I guess so, since he counted well over 100. Actually, I think he said it was more than 120! He did some calculating and decided he had enough to have one each day before redeploying back home, plus quite a few extras. Due to his extreme love of caffiene, all of the "extras" are long gone. But his count-down stacks of Dr. Pepper are still in place and woe to anyone who tries to take one, messing up the count-down.

First weekend

Thanks to the Salute to Heroes program, the girls and I spent our first weekend without Hubs in Virginia. We took advantage of the free park admission and went to Busch Gardens Williamsburg Saturday afternoon. My sister suggested the trip some time ago. I knew she was bringing her family and the girls were SO excited to see their aunt, uncle and cousins. Additionally, good friends live in the area and we were able to stay with them. The girls loved getting to play with Mr. M and their dog. Plus, Miss T even gave up her day and went to the park with us. Thank God she did, too! I'm not sure how I would have handled a 7 year old and a 3 year old (sans nap) without her. It was much more crowded than we'd expected, but the girls seemed to have a good time. And honestly, that's all I wanted from this first weekend without Daddy: for them to have a good weekend with plenty of diversions.

I was torn about this weekend. I'd started planning it just before Hubs left. I was trying to finalize plans the day after he left when I learned that his great-uncle had passed away. I still don't know if I did the right thing or not. I sent flowers but opted not to take the girls to the funeral, and followed the original plan for the weekend. While I felt an obligation to be there for Hubs' family, I felt an even deeper obligation to the girls. What would you have done?

Back from R&R...

He came.

He played.

He read bedtime stories.

He gave hugs and kisses.

Now, he's gone again.

And the waiting and the missing starts again.

R&R

R&R is almost here! Woo-hoo!

Of course, that means what can go wrong will go wrong.... The only day I had to get the car detailed threatened rain. The morning that L'il Sis was in preschool and I had scheduled a hair and wax appointment, well, my stylist gets horribly ill and has to cancel. While I feel terrible for her and wish her a speedy recovery, I still needed those grey roots to disappear. So, I put my head into the hands of a total stranger and hoped for the best. It worked out okay, but I could have done with less stress to get it all done. When the stylist was shampooing my hair (my favorite part!), I was getting a little head massage. I could feel her trying to work the tension out of my neck and temples. I appreciated the attempt, but almost felt I should tell her it was futile.

Obviously the other thing R&R means is that I'll be absent from the blogosphere for awhile.

*random observation: While driving around running last minute errands, I saw an attractive young woman driving a car with the following on her rear window:
Proud family of
(rank) (name)
(unit)
serving in Iraq

Maybe it's the cynic in me, but my first thought was that it really wasn't a good idea to advertise the fact that her husband was overseas, not home, not around. Especially in such large letters. I understand she's proud of him. But couldn't she find a way to express that without compromising her own security?

The more things change...

Have you seen this week's Jenny comic strip? Definitely a case of "the more things change, the more they stay the same."

And it's not just the nomadic lifestyle. In this current climate of constant deployments and high stress for military families, this is another area where things have changed considerably from previous eras but so much has also stayed the same.

Previous military families who endured separations during World War II, Korea, Vietnam, and so many more conflicts didn't have access to the communication technologies that we have today. Many of us are able to email or MotoMail our loved ones. Sometimes they are able to call us using morale calls or even satellite phones. Occasionally, units or even individuals are able to arrange VTCs (video tele-conferences) with our service members. Previous generations didn't have any of that.

But what hasn't changed? They are still gone, half a world away in a hostile environment. We still worry. And we wait. Our hearts still break a little each day. We wait and wonder about the person who will return. We wonder if they will still like and love the person we've become, the person they will be returning to. We wonder what we will do if they don't return. We wait and torture ourselves with all the "what ifs." We look at our children and mourn the time they've missed with a parent and all the events and milestones that the other parent has missed. We wait and worry about all the little things and all the big things. We wait while looking forward to homecoming with excitement and anxiety. They are still gone. We are still left behind waiting and trying to hold it all together. Waiting for them to step back into our shared life. That hasn't changed.

The book is not about a military family, but the first page of Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveler's Wife resonated with me in terms of being the one left to wait. It begins with these lines:
"....It's hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. It's hard to be the one who stays."
A little later, she asks: "Why is love intensified by absence?"
Then: "I wait for him. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

The waiting hasn't changed.

*update: I'm not recommending the book at this point as I haven't gotten very far in it yet. I'd only just started reading it and the first page just resonated a bit.

random movie

One of the benefits of deployments is that I get to fill our movie queue with all sorts of things that I know Hubs wouldn't watch. I've caught up on movies that the rest of the planet has already seen, chick flicks, BBC TV shows, and other totally random films, like The Man Who Sued God. Sometimes I watch things that are really good but because they are independent or foreign films probably didn't get much play here in the States.

Last night, I watched Sweet Land. I'd never heard of it so went into it with no expectations. It was wonderful! The story is of a German mail order bride arriving in 1920 Minnesota to a hostile Norwegian-American community. Prejudices run rampant and she is unable to procure the paperwork necessary to actually get married. But beyond that, it is a love story of two strangers who come to respect and love each other despite/because of their obstacles. You can see the growing attraction and sexual tension between the couple. You can see the love growing in their eyes as they surreptitiously watch each other. But that's just about all you see. Anticipation is almost another character in this film. But I guess I relate to that these days!

It's come to this

Last night my sister called:
Sis: What are you doing?
Me: Something weird... I'm watching Heartbreak Ridge on TV.
Sis: What's that?
Me: It's a Clint Eastwood Marine movie.
Sis: (long pause) Your Marine really needs to come home.
Me: Ya think?

Greater Good

I wrote what follows last year, before our current deployment. I was inspired to make a few changes by a post on SpouseBuzz.

The Greater Good

My husband’s thoughts start turning to the next big thing he wants to do in his career. I’m not sure why he even bothers discussing it with me. Maybe he wants me to feel as though I have some control over what happens. The illusion is not working. The most I can hope to do is point out how difficult certain things could be in various locations (the ones I really, REALLY don’t want to go to) so that he lists it as his number two or three choice instead of as his first. Any of the places I suggest he try to go to are met with a blank look. Sure family life or liberty might be great there but how will that get him into the action, get him into a deployable unit? Duh, it won’t. But I’ll be happy. We’ve done the deployment thing and gotten the t-shirt but no family member wants to do it again.

There’s a scene in the Disney movie The Incredibles when Frozone is tearing through his apartment looking for his super-suit. His wife is preparing for a dinner party and is less than thrilled at his wanting to run off to save the world. Service members are a little like Frozone, grabbing their super-suits and leaving us behind for “the greater good.”

I was telling a non-military friend that my husband was itching to deploy again. It was killing him that his buddies and his Marines were over there and he wasn’t. She asked if he’s crazy. Well, yes, but I knew that before I married him. Clearly, he didn’t become a Marine to do a desk job. My husband likes to say that a smart Marine doesn’t whistle while he packs. It doesn’t mean that he wants to be separated from us, to miss chapters of our girls’ lives while living in challenging conditions. He just thinks there is something important that he needs to be doing, that he should be doing. When your service member is talking about needing to defend our country and our freedoms, how can you argue with that? A missed birthday or simply being home to take out the trash seems pretty unimportant next to that.

Despite my aggravation with the absences and how much my husband gives to the Marine Corps, I am proud of who my husband is and what he does. After all, his sense of duty and commitment to his country are part and parcel of who he is. These are some of the very reasons I fell in love with the man. The truth is, while a strong sense of duty and a desire to serve are admirable qualities, it is hard to be the one left behind for “the greater good.”

We were in San Francisco, on the first day of an overdue vacation, when 9/11 happened. We spent the morning in our hotel room at the Marine Memorial watching the news coverage while my husband made phone calls to his unit and I scrambled to change our travel plans to return home early. We later watched local coverage of people lining up to donate blood. They felt that was something immediate that they could do to help. My husband watched that and quietly commented that he was glad he was in a position to do more than just donate blood.

Damn super-suit.