Saturday, August 04, 2007

anticipatory grief

It hasn't been an issue this deployment, but anticipatory grief was something I really struggled with the last time Hubs deployed to Iraq. Of course, I didn't know what it was or even that it had a name. I only knew what I was feeling and thinking about and wondering what was wrong with me that I kept thinking such morbid thoughts. I recently ran across an article on the subject by Kristin Henderson, the wife of a Navy chaplain. It was comforting to know that I wasn't alone and that it is a common experience for families left behind. Ms. Henderson has written another article about the growing disconnect between the military and civilians that is also worth reading.

7 comments:

Butterfly Wife said...

It is nice to know that we are not alone or crazy with all that stuff. Thanks for sharing.

Army Wife said...

I read 2 of Kristins books now...but While They are At War...gave me a lightbulb moment....

anticipatory grief! WOW, it has a name, and I am not a morbid soul for planning for my husbands untimely loss...

The good nes is we are having Krstin on SpouseBuzz Radio this week!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I can not even imagine what that must be like! I bet I would be exactly the same way!


Hopefully you will laughing about this next year! :)

Meredith said...

That Andi's World post mentioned the anticipatory grief (marginally). I KNOW for sure I would be doing that. It's my nature to think through all scenarios, no matter how painful. *I'm the one at the waterpark who can spot all the lifeguards and I already have two plans for when my child starts drowning. John says I'm just morbid.

I can't imagine it from your side, tho. Even living between two military installations, with tons of co-workers and friends as milspouses, I still know there is a disconnect. I wouldn't even know how to start to fully bridge that.

I talked to your sister on Myspace! Forgot to ask about your vacation when we were on the phone. SORRY.
I didn't realize you guys had already gone. Tell your mom happy late birthday.

liz said...

I stumbled across this blog while at work and I am really glad that I did. This is exactly what I have been struggling with and I can't tell you what a releif it was to know that I am not alone and there isn't something terribly wrong with me for thinking some of these things. My boyfriend joined the Marine Corps almost 2 years ago and is getting ready for his first deployment in the fall and I started to get really nervous about it just recently. I didn't know there was a name for what I was feeling and I just wanted to say thanks for posting that because it makes me feel significantly better!

Marine Wife said...

Wow, glad I could help, Liz!

ABW said...

My husband is approachng his 4th deployment--his third to Iraq. I struggle with this every single time. I never mentioned it before thinking that I was strange or weird or obsessive, so I am glad to know that I am not alone!!